Wise1. Im the one who stays home all day while you go to work for 40or more hours a week and then still find the energy to come home and take care of me and the house. I told him I am sick but he tells me to get rest and took off to entertain himself. Sign #8: He is fine with you hanging around other men. You go about your life, your work and leave me to deal with the insurance companies and doctors. Without question, without me asking. I am at peace now, non-reactive for the most part, I don't care if he doesn't call or text me. They'll let me be to recuperate, since they know it's nasty. Press J to jump to the feed. When I got to the ER and they did a CAT scan, they said it was about to burst. We've never broached this subject before and I'm worried about it ending up in a fight. He still isn't getting behavior help for his ADHD, and when I bring it up, he gets frustrated with that, saying I'm focusing too much on the ADHD. Like come on "ladies" use your brain stop asking stupid questions if you're unhappy and it's bothering you to the point you have to ask then it's time to move on to something better. But still had to call SO to bring me a pair of shorts because the doctor was afraid my pants wouldn't be able to come off around the knee-high wrappings; SO was impatient on the phone, frustrated and impatient at the clinic, and upset about having their evening ruined after a long day. Clearly you know it's a problem and you're still in that relationship and most likely going to have kids with him yourself and then act like oh no poor me I still got married and had kids with the guy that's treated me like crap since day one. I will always do my best but not at the price of my sanity. is already like this, it will only get worse. it's not the same as OCD. I often try to put myself in his shoes and think "God I am so happy I am not like that". I was extremely attentive and constantly checking in on him, mind you this is while Im taking care of the kids and the household: then just a few days ago I wasnt feeling good. Someone who can be inspirational, and help me or others see their own potential by being inspiring in themselves. Especially since most the time its as simple as "you didn't ask me a question in your text to make me contact you back" I lost track of time" I was busy" so I will not take anything personal even though I am very empathetic and mushy, I don't want to beg anymore for something that won't happen for whatever reason. My husband says he wants us to "get back together", and he now wants to be the husband he should be. Once again I get "That's great! Although Melissa's suggestions have some merit for a couple where there is active treatment adherence, I don't have much hope of change in my relationship with someone who never gives a thought to anyone else but himself. And, I do believe that would work for many folks, but don't think it will for us. She was in her second semester of college and was busy with school and work. I start my day with positive thoughts of not retaliating, not overthinking, and not trying to change what I can't control. Whenever he's sick I ask if I can go get anything from the store for him or do anything for him. When my husband started his first affair, I WAS a good woman. Anyway..it was really serious and I can't ever remember being that sick before in my life and it was horrible right? He is Always the "Victim" and Everything is Always My Fault! All I have to say about that is..THAT..is some Fucked Up Shit.right there!! I could barely limp about and it was rapidly getting worse. Haven't had so much as a hug and a kiss in sympathy. I think that men get used to a female (their mother) taking care of them while they are children, and subconsciously they maintain this view as they get to adulthood. Very hard to comprehend and maybe that means we are ok.It is illogical and very sad to live with like that from both sides. Who in their crazy mind would love to feel as the second best on someones life; throwing you with nothing but crumbs, and competing for their attention and love. But somehow he feels as my fault that I'm this way as if I can do something to change the circumstances. She was diagnosed with a mood disorder and anxiety in 2008. Your husband is a narcissist, sorry to say. But it was terrible to watch my child suffer like that. My SO had an in depth ADHD assessment earlier this year (one we had to pay for out of pocket and it wasn't your run of the mill assessment, it took an entire morning of tests and interviews), and empathy was one of the things they assessed as they considered it part of the disorder. It was like neither of us care that we were damaging our marriage. When I had the flu really bad my kids did too and I still had to take care of everybody. I invite him to things I know he will say no to just to be nice but then I go and enjoy myself. In the main area of the house there should be 2 colors, and now there are at least 5. At one point my manager demanded I go see a medical doctor, which I already had, and because I was past two weeks of antibiotics and still sick, I was refused treatment. Kids pick up on stuff they're not ****ed. There's a few things that are scaring him, and he is right to be concerned. Kathy woke-up startled to hear her phone ring so at 5 am. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 14:07. I would have been down on my kneesbegging for forgiveness.for making me go swimming with 104 degree temperatureand not believing me or showing the concern when I was told that I was sick and didn't feel well? (not a good sign). By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I WISH I was kidding. Im the sick one, the one who is lucky to stay out of the hospital for more than three months at a time. He said I always run to my room when this happens and it will happen again. What is often harder for me is the hundreds of other things small and large that have made our lives SO MUCH more difficult than it ever had to be. Set up a way for it to not be inconsistent. Talk to her and use 'I need" statements. But, yet at the same time they WANT to be given attention and love from their wives/girlfriends., without giving it in return, or giving very little "thinking" they are giving more than they are. WHYDID YOU ASK ME TO MARRY YOU, and tell me you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together? I left work early and took them to hospital, tended them there, brought them home and generally took care of as much as I could to keep them comfortable and on the way to mending throughout. So cultural. Its an open concept house and he's painted the walls all different colors, but again, half done. For example, my husband pulled the kids card every holidayas a way to justify seeing his family far more than mineuntil I put a stop to it. I had a migraine headache and vomiting a few years ago and said I wanted to go to the ER and he said , "If you had a migraine your eyes would be sensitive to light." Just gotta get used to it! I was being somewhat sarcastic in my response. Dont gauge this for the rest of your marriage. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Thu, 04/13/2017 - 16:22. WebIs it normal for a husband to not take care of his wife when she falls sick? Barf and poop, rehydrate, and take care of yourself. People are either takers or givers. I wanted to hope that with me gone, and only him in the house, he would get to live the way he "wanted". That is my story for anyone that can benefit from it. Like I was some animal in the Zooand he was just coming to see the specimen out of curiosity. ADHD, doesn't give you the liberty of that most of the time. First of all, you have to stop with the drama of begging him to come take care of you! Or begging him to drive you home. I can understand mentionin That's not even in my nature.". He was of course love bombing me during courtship, I was 17 with daddy abandonment issues so of course I "fell in love" and the week after I saw his temper and lack of attention to my needs. By then its too late. Eventually, he got through it and started healing. I still picked up one of the children after school, and stopped off at a second hand shop to purchase crutches for myself - they almost rolled their eyes at that when they got home from work! He got mad at me because I went to grab the phone charger in the wall and didn't see it was connected to his phone (I needed to have a phone with me if I had to drive myself to the hospital in the middle of the night), he snapped at me that I am always in pain and should rent a hotel room in the hospital, etc, etc, and threw a different charger at me. Commitment, sacrifice, partnering are too boring and difficult..not a part of love to H. Love is only themoment's pleasure to him. WHAT? My husband responded to me that if I went on medical leave I would have to stop seeing my doctor because he wouldn't pay for it anymore. (pleasantly though, I LOVE MY DAUGHTER, and am glad she was born) My example is though, that people really DON'T want long term consequences for their actions, and in today's world, excuses and denials are what so many folks use to get "out of" having to live with the results of their own actions. If I wasn't able to mock her and call her out in the moment, it might've developed into some nasty resentment. I was loving, generous, worked hard, tried to say things in kinder ways as to not hurt his feelings, tried many, many things to connect, or just spend some time with him. Some of the scorn heaped upon ADHDers by their non-ADHD partners must CERTAINLY be readable in their partner's body languageeven if their partner is trying to be nice. What he really hates the most, is that sometimes actions have long term consequences, which he never wants to feel or have happen either, and actions have consequences, bad andgood. I know this may sound "corny", lol, but I don't think I'm too off base with this. Submitted by copingSAH on Mon, 09/29/2014 - 09:42. Sign #9: He treats you like everyone else. To live content with small means; to be worthy, not respectable; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, this is my symphony. They were on their lunch break at the time, and went back to work - taking the automatic transmission car and leaving me with the manual. 2022 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. I take and I take, and then I take some more. Friday afternoon he gets home from work and goes to give me a kiss and I tell him that he shouldn't kiss me because I'm getting a scratchy throat and most likely a cold and his response isn't one of sympathy, instead it's "Greeeeeeat!

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