There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. Maybe it is time for both you and her to have a break. Im starting to worry about the mother. He cant be without her for even a minute. Have you ever considered that? In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. Paula, I saw in other posts you said 8 and 9 months are very sensitive times Will you please explain what you mean? Ive seen couples fist fighting, calling the police, threatening to take the children and you name it. I do everything to. Dont have a help in the house because my mil doesnt let me keep one. Here are five ways you can get ready to go back to work. My wife works part time on my days off, meaning our daughter goes into a lovely nursery 1-3 days per week and we split the child care between us for the rest. Since about 3 months old she prefers daddy over mommy but now it is to the point where she tells me I dont love you I love my daddy. She pushes me away and wants nothing to do with me. I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. Each baby will react differently and in their own way, so it's good to try alternatives until you find the right fit. I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. Im totally on the same boat as all of you(s)! Create a soothing atmosphere 3. If Im the only one home she wants me, but if dads home, its mommy who? This really hurts my feelings since I do everything for her, I want to hold her and play with her so bad but so often she rejects me. Our third daughter cant seem to stand me and it is really breaking my heart. My worry is that this will impact on our long term relationship and I can just imagine the teenage years! It breaks my heart when she cries and kicks when daddy leaves her alone with me. Much more effective than disciplining a child. It only means that she prefers her dad right now. then you can start looking and working forward instead of looking back. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. I think its about time she stood up to her dad & told him but she as always been scared of him just like her older brother scared to say boo. Try to not show any hurt feelings if she goes to her grandma; she obviously isnt doing it to hurt you and may become quite confused if she can sense your irritation when it happens. He fights me on everything. It may not feel like it right this moment but things will get better. Sometime when I am feeding him on the weekends (breakfast typically), my son wants to get out of the high chair and go to dad. However, he understands that its also for the best as now i can console her when she is sick or having a tummy ache etc without having 2 call daddy via the internet. She wont get proper help if its not face2face. I have not seen the same reaction for me. Please, ask for help. Being the not preferred parent means you really get a chance to practice on not taking the rejection personally. I thought my daughter was the only one to behave this way. While maternity leave policies last 8-12 weeks, that would mean that at just 2-3 months in, new moms are returning to work with potentially undiagnosed postpartum anxiety or depression and may not know it. But he just doesnt seem to need me. My point is this this WILL pass. Since my son, per judge, lives only with his dad. It hurt me so deeply that I felt that I would be going into a depression very soon. XOXO, Paula. Place baby on mom's tummy, in the water. If he feels scared or sick she is the only person who can comfort him. Its just that when my husband and i decided to start trying for another baby i quickly had changed my mind and decided i wasnt ready yet and that i was content with it just being me, my husband, and our first son, but it was too late and when i decided to not try anymore i already conceived. There are many ways to start bonding with an older baby, like your daughter. Now my problem seems to be that she doesnt like me very much, I think myabe she remembers my tears and frustration with her and cant forgive me. Many babies act the same way as your daughter punishing the one who left her. Any parent who has been there can relate to your pain. I know shes only 6 months but shes not loving at all towards me..If i try to hug her and cuddle she pushes and screams and kicks, she would rather go to anyone but me.i treat her like an angel and I dont understand why she doesnt seem to love me.. Shes a really happy smiley baby. since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. My husband sees him an hour per day if that and goes out of town a lot. Sometimes she does it to my partner but seems only to attack me more. Thats good too; try to see that. It might be worth trying too. I kind of hid behind work and did not take the time to bond with my baby boy. Even if its only by God and me I suppose. I have tried to brush the way my son behaves off, and put it down to just being a phase, but it has gone on for so long now. Im often doing something else at the same time as interacting with them. I cooked everyday to make meals that she likes, I hold her all the time despite my back pain, I have tried so hard for her but I still failed. Whenever my fiance and I pick up my almost 3 year old daughter from her fathers she cries and clings to her father. He gets really upset when Daddy leaves the room. Can I give you a challenge? Your girls are now 8 months old. Going by the earlier posts, my problem is likely due to my travel job. Right now, all she really needs is love, skin contact and food. When asked how much extra time they would want, the most common answer was "a. i am a younger mother who still lives with my mother. Before they head back to work after baby, send a text to brighten their day. Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. What am I doing wrong? But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. Not all babies become this sensitive, and it does seem as if your daughter is feeling quite secure. And if he doesnt want to be with you for 15 minutes, in the beginning, make it add up to 15 minutes even if it is only 2 minutes each time. Things will get better. I hate that she calls my mom mama im nothing to her its breaking my heart please someone help me. Getting the Right Child Care. I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! And when were playing all together on the floor he always goes to her over me. grandma was kinda showin me the ropes and showin me some tricksi also do alot of running around during the day so grandma watches her.now, when i have her and she gets upset she screams for mme. Try to sit back and be proud of yourself! Like many of you, I am a working mother who loves her baby girl more than anything in the world. I hear a lot of guilt in what you write. Id say that is completely normal! And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. 8) Life is hard for everyone, working moms included. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. The child speaks to everyone on the phone but once she hears its her mother she goes hysterical. We should all hold our heads up with pride at what AWESOME mothers and fathers we are, how dearly we love our children. At that time he had a painfully obvious bond with my partner to the exclusion of me. I feel like she doesnt need me at all, she doesnt care if i am around or not, when her dad comes to see her she gets happy and he only comes once a week and sometimes he wont come for 2 weeks!!! I would give up my job in an instant if I could but we simply cannot afford to do this as we also look after my father-in-law and every penny is needed. If changing diapers with mom means that she gets to play with a special diaper toy and that mom sings a song and tickles her, or that she gets to feed herself and teddy bear (and mom) with a brand-new spoon, or that bedtime means a warm bath in the tub with mom, then these situation can be made less of power struggles too. Im assuming this is not the case with you, obviously. Though it is nice to know Im not the only one to suffer from a similar situation, it doesnt solve it. For example, your baby may have recently had a vaccination and one of his arms may be a bit sore. Take naps together, take a bath together, just go down on the floor (if it isnt too uncomfortable) and play together. One technique used to get babies to accept the breast has been called rebirthing, but this is essentially just laid-back breastfeeding in the bath. Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. That is wonderful for your little daughter! This baffles me. You havent ruined your baby with your sadness. I dont know what to do, It really bothers me that she would rather be with my parents then her mother. I do everything for him and it makes me very sad. Problem with nursery is that it rolls around again before baby has a chance to come to terms with being left. Theres even a song that we all sing together as a family since my husband left. When I get home she doesnt get excited to see me. Disguise the bottle. I am a stay at home mom with an almost one year old baby girl. Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. I stayed until 11:30 every night to put her to bed and did everything else i was able to do. First of all, there is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby that early. In addition, I really think you should start reading books about adoption if you havent already. If you are going back to work at 6 weeks, you could start introducing your baby to a bottle about two weeks beforehand. An infection or poor breastfeeding latch issue removed the ability to nurse for a short period of time. Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. I guess I just dont want this type of behavior to flow into other areas of her life. I am worried my baby will have emotional problems in the future ? My wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the reassurance online. That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. The comment that bothered me if the grandmother taking over being the mother. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. I adore and love my som immensely. To help us both my Mom moved in and now stays home with my daughter while I work. At the same time, he prefers his moms presence and shows it. i dont know why he is acting like this .Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me ? My relationship with my son isnt the same anymore. (he sees his dad often) He used to like grandma and grandpa but now its just his dad. You are likely to mean total security for your daughter and maybe she just knows that you are there for her, so that she doesnt really need to be with you when exciting (in her mind) dad is there. It really hurts me. Im a 26 yr old dad. And I really felt that it started to work almost immediately. Here is the background: Ive been dating my boyfriend for over a year but knew him and his daughter since she was 8 months. And 4those who is far away, utilize whatever technology available 2 you 2 stay in touch to you little ones. My daughter prefers my mother, as she looks after her while Im at college. According the U.S. Department of Labor, 37% of moms worked full time while 17% worked part time. When my daughter was 7 months old I left for bootcamp, kind of my last resort I was a teen mom and couldnt get a job and had no money and the military provided us a secure future, but now I regret it. Otherwise, you will reinforce her wishes to put distance between the two of you and her wish to go to the other person, where does not experience any bad emotions. Please help!!!!! It really upsets me because her dad or greatgrandmother can get her when she starts doing this to me and she is fine. thanks again! Try to do things with your son that he just cant resist playing funny games, dancing or whatever. My wife is set on the fact that she will not change her behavior towards his daily activities. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Planning ahead can make the transition easier. She is the GRANDmother, not the mother. He will be picked up and carried around for the smallest incident. Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. I want to know if there are commonalities that us moms share. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). I wonder why this isnt written about or talked about more widely. Must be very painful for the mother. Tomorrow I am going back to work full time after taking 4 months off to be with my son. Please dont give up. Quick message to Laura- Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! Old daughter from her fathers she cries and kicks when daddy leaves her alone with me hear lot... Of town a lot of guilt in what you mean would rather with. Away, utilize whatever technology available 2 you 2 stay in touch to you little ones upsets me her. 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